I watched the new Spider-Man movie the other night, and it got me thinking.
Most parents will ask their teen if they liked the movie. I think there's a better question: did you notice Peter kept thinking something was wrong with him?
The Story Underneath the Action
There's a real story underneath all the action. Peter feels something big and unfamiliar moving through him, anger, grief, pressure, the weight of being responsible for more than he feels ready for.
It's not his fault, though. No one ever showed him how to hold any of it, and he starts to believe the feeling itself makes him a monster.
But it really doesn't. He's just a young person carrying more than he has the tools for yet.
Why This Feels Familiar for Teenagers
This is closer to your teen's world than it might seem.
Becoming a teenager means taking on feelings and expectations, often all at once, and being quietly expected to know what to do with it. Most of the time, they don't. I sure didn't.
So this intensity gets labelled as “something is wrong with me” instead of “I'm learning how to carry this.”
A Simple Way to Open the Conversation
You probably don't need to turn this into a big talk. You could just ask on the drive home, “Do you ever feel like your feelings can get too big?” and just let it sit. Don't repeat, don't push.
Sometimes the most useful thing isn't fixing. It's showing them the feeling was never the problem, and they were never meant to work it out on their own.
It Was Never the Problem
That is a lot of what mentoring gives a teen: a grounded, consistent person alongside them while they learn to step through their season, so they stop mistaking it for evidence they are broken.
A Note for Parents
If your teenager has been carrying more than they know how to name, you don't need to have all the answers, and neither do they. A trusted adult outside home and school can make a real difference.
